two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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