On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize