His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
