Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
