It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
