I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
