How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
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i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
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There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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