physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
