Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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