he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
