Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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