We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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