I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
