If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
