The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
