he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Your cock deserves a montage
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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