I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
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All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
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My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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