My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
All the doctor said was why
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
