Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
