woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
