who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
