Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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