Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
