did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
