I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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