I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
