If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
