Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
