is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
