One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
