Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
