420 ftw
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
