Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
