I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Fuck appropriateness.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
