Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
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Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
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Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
soo... how was my night?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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