Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm passing your future prison.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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