I showed him my bush... on skype.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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