We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
