Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
