why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
