R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
