we have pet lesbian snakes
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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