You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
