Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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