Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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