FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Holy sore nipples Batman
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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