The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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