Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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