Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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