if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
