a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
