you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
