Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My ass is underappreciated
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
