Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
