She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
