Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
