I'm jealous of your bromance
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
