if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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