They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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