somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
only if we run a train.
done.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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