The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
When did angry sex become our thing?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
