Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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