I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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