Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
