He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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