She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
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It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
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At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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