Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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