OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
