I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
