Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
