Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize