The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
