a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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