Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
