There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
