I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
